MY WORDS. MY VOICE.

2010-02-07T10:50:00.001+07:00

i was hoping that all these were nothing but a nightmare
and the next day when i woke up, it will all be over soon.
it didn't.
everything still remained as ugly as it once was.
i'm resigned to this
goodbye nightmare

time

2009-11-29T15:21:00.004+07:00

2009, coming to an end soon in about 1 mth's time. ohmygawd. time's passing WAY TOO FAST! D:

and i'm stoning at starbucks. i'm been stoning alot these days. darn bad really. and my last paper is really torturing me to bits.

6 days of struggle. o.O it's killing me seriously.

and then back to more projects to kinda kill me during december. plus a week more to 2 weeks of OUTTTA SINGAPORE OLEH. then outta this place and back to constant 15 weeks of struggle next sem. plus 5 mods. ohmygawd. i think i'm killing myself. D:

its a weird weird weather these days. chao weird. extreme change in wet and dry/sunny/bright weather. i hope it won't be freak weather there in SH O:

okay. enough of ranting . i shall contd with my readings. SOBS x 100000000000000000000000000000000.

CIAO!

on a side note, do you know why people DO NOT domesticate zebras? Cos they get startled too easily and it's darn hard to tame their teeny weeny guts.
-as learned from TWC GGS. wow. it's brilliant really.

24/11/09

2009-11-24T13:57:00.003+07:00

4 more hours to end of the AS misery. but nah, that ain't very comforting also because this final exam is gonna be worth 30%. It's a lot actually O: and i've absolutely no confidence in it.
fallacies are invading my brain and all the weird stuff bout drawing links to one another? spare my brian from all these please.

it's funny how i'm kept in the loop, in the conversation between dad and my cousin. gonna be away for a really long time so yeah, it's amazing how much dad has actually researched previously on the places that we might intend to visit. funny totally.

according to him, it will probably snow for one/two days though it ain't supposed to be snowing. freak weather really.
and yeah, i'm still whining over how badly i've done for AS. just cant quit being whiny and like my parents too, cant quit hanging the phrase "lack of discipline" on me.

okay. ciao. back TO A AND S. dangs

1 more day

2009-11-22T17:10:00.002+07:00

okay. 1 more day to my first paper.
bad. i feel so saturated that i'm having a headache.
in school still mugging on a sunday.

if mummy make me an offer to quit school now (of course in real life she definitely won't), i would definitely accept the offer now. (before she revokes it). consideration is that i would get my freedom and mummy would get a less insane daughter. perfect agreement really.

the condition of this agreement is for mummy to pull me outta school now.
shall there be a breach of this condition, which deprives me substantially the whole benefit that i sign the contract for, i can sue mummy. provided that there's no exemption clause.

but there is. the exemption clause that mummy included was that she will not be liable for my future if i would to quit school now. there's a need to see whether is this exemption clause properly incorporated and constructed in the contract and whether does it contravene the UCTA.

In this case, must use UCTA section 2(2), test of reasonableness. explanation wise, i shall skip it.

in the end, i found out that mummy made a mispresentation on her part. negligent misrepresentation. 3 steps to prove: 1) she made a representation/false statement of fact (to let me quit sch) 2) this representation is made by offeror (mummy) to me (offeree) 3) that representation induced me into the contract.

okay. i'm just talking nonsense. sorry for wasting 3 minutes of your time reading this but imma jus feeling bored.
and EC is totally invalid and not much related to the context but i'm too lazy to think of any other possible alternatives to it.

too bad. screwed/fried brain.
bye earthlings/worms/butterflies.

screwed up!

2009-11-19T16:19:00.003+07:00

SMUG HARD
it's thursday already.
and a friend just reminded me that its 5 more days to first paper.
GAWD. i really appreciate that very alarming reminder
i think i'll jus burn my books on sunday and drink it the books down.

5 more days of blaw and 6 more days of AS. swear i'm gonna dump the books
okay. that's a lie. i'll definitely sell the textbook.
and here i am. trying to revise (once again) blaw. have been doing that for days and notes are flying all over the place.
you call this extremely MESSED UP.

kenna ps-ed. lol. but kinda used to it. stuck in the gsr, waiting for time to pass, waiting for stuff to get into my brain, wondering why time passes so slowly, trying to curb the icy tower frenzy/watching drama fetish. remembering the endless fallacies, waiting for tau huay but its the hot one w/o you tiao ):

on a side note: goodness gracious, there's tons of fallacies seriously.
on a further side note: might camp over in school tomorrow. how exciting.

this's varsity life. ain't it fun?

P.S it's neo-neo-neoprint-neo hanwei's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE. RANDOM x gazillion

outta this place soon for 2 whole weeeks. must hold on and not lose my grip/my faith.

2009-11-15T23:18:00.002+07:00

life's been very busy

could hardly breathe even
it's a relief that school term has kinda ended and study break would be starting tomorrow
cheeers to that really.
hardly had time to blog even
or should i say, lazy actually.
i think i've been spending more time on icy tower than on blogging.
jump, jump, jump
reminds me of council days, playing icy tower in the council room.
the oh-so-funny days really.

well. exams soon next week. let's MUG HARD
go smugger gogo smugger!

if i could turn back time, let's do this all over again.
in another way i'm sure.
or maybe, you re-enter into my life a tad too late.
because i've already started on the journey. the journey to walk outta your life.

2009-10-24T14:51:00.003+07:00

random thoughts all over again.
it's just so hard sometimes to come to a realisation again how some people have really just left you for good,
moving on, proceeding onto another stage of their lives.
it's scary how these loved ones were taken away from you so easily
the fear is something so intangible and so unbelievable at times.

let's get outta this little little space
and let's explore this beyond our wildest imagination.

pray with our hearts sincerely.

THE Black Hole

2009-10-20T23:49:00.005+07:00

when you matter and when you care more than you should.

it's increasingly stepping over the boundaries

stepping over my boundary to be exact.

fear of reliance and even disappointment

all these are definitely justifiable.

before we plunge right in,

let's be rational and know what is our priority now and what isn't.

SUDDEN OUTBURST. YES DUDE YES!

2009-10-19T00:10:00.001+07:00

hunger pangs. ):

IMMMMMMA FEELING HUNGRY!

GAHS

end of a supposed break

2009-10-11T14:30:00.005+07:00

mugger.
mugger.
mugger.

i always wonder the different possibilities, where life would take us to if we were never so much cooped in this society, where the pursuit of academic success matters more than anything else. i wonder what are the different paths that could have been taken by all of us, i really do wonder so hard sometimes.
but it's all futile.
cos' we would never be able to really get out of this rat race that we so pride ourselves to have created.

a society of "success"- i do believe in it honestly, but how really successful and happy we are is another thing all together.
it's weird sometimes, i cant help but feel that way.

+ it's also weird. how we let our emotions lead us by our noses that we lost our rational thinking, our ability to discern and even prioritize. it's annoyingly scary how we let ourselves be so controlled by this unknown force. let's just break outta this really.

all we are - onerepublic.

goodbyes

2009-10-06T23:31:00.001+07:00

when we were to part and say goodbyes

why does it become so hard all of a sudden

when all you have to do is to wave, smile and never look back

when we first say hello, there would be once when we would bid each other goodbyes.

calm my nerves

2009-09-30T22:07:00.002+07:00

kanchiong spider.
NOT.
say no a million times. yeah, i'm trying to keep my cool and stay, oh wells, assured.

chill chill chill!

d.e.a.d on the inside.

2009-09-29T00:38:00.004+07:00

life's been busy
extremely.
repelling.
sick.
i just wanna scream STOP
and i hope this thing really do STOP.
cos' its killing me in every single little way.

butter's up sooon. YAYS.

we all need to prioritise. whats impt and what isn't. bottomline is, i see the increasing importance and necessity to weigh our options, what we should plunge in and what we shouldn't.
increasingly sure and certain.
maybe and yet, maybe not.

2009-09-22T21:18:00.001+07:00

It's getting to get so tough that it's killing me.

SCREAMS A MILLION.

when people care and when people don't

2009-09-14T22:59:00.002+07:00

love story meets viva la vida.
NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

blogger is always down when i have some trash to share
conversely, always up when i don't.
life is just weird in a way i conclude. or maybe it's just me who is, well, weird?
on a bad side note,
everything is starting to pile up.
and very soon, it's gonna squash me to bits and i'd prolly die like a pathetic ant.

maybe
maybe not.
let's see how i survived this shit.
cheerios.
let's be optimistic.

*cross fingers a million times*

2009-09-05T18:24:00.000+07:00

hello. it's 5sept.

that fast. please scream. i'm screaming as well constantly in me. this suck, a lot.
work is coming. i'm feeling the strain, the stress and the pressure.
hello dear ns friends, i would be very happy to trade places.

this is cranky. i'm on the verge of exploding. prolly with all grey matter running out of my ears. that sounds perverse. i must be retarded, nuts, looney, going bonkers.

shalln't care shalln't care. so much WRONG stuff makes me become like that.
screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmms

2009-09-01T10:38:00.001+07:00

long gone. and never ever be able to look back.
thats how realistic life is.
mistakes, regrets. biting you, gnawing your bones out.
even if eventually, these bitings do stop, the mark remains, the vivid memories of pain remain.
you would never get it away.
haunting you, terrorizing you.
thats what sickens me.

time. that strong invisible gust of power
maybe we'll learn in time to come.
maybe we'll look back,
maybes and maybes

2009-08-23T21:44:00.001+07:00

loves Op 64 No2 waltz in C-minor!

i hate to be judged.

2009-08-19T10:36:00.003+07:00

waiting for several judgement day(s). kinda dread it having to wait, wait and wait.
urgh screw it.
i hate unnecessary judgement(s) to decide who i am.
let's see how things go,
let's see how life brings me to where it wanna to.
let's see how judgement day would turn out to be like.

on a less screwed up note, a wedding is coming up in october. hope it would be a brilliant one definitely!

learn my lesson-daughtry
i never did. and i guess, i never will.

at the beginning

2009-08-14T00:16:00.001+07:00

school is starting. bad.
don't exactly look forward to it. on the contrary, dread it.
but good thing, i had tons of fun last night.
maybe it was purely due to intoxication; you just can't exactly think clearly.
but yes, it's meant to be fun, why so serious?
had my slipper thrown from 3rd floor down.
had whatever embarrassing stuff shared.
played silly games, talk nonsense throughout, HT session.
i hope when sch starts, its possible to at least achieve a balance.

and maybe, to start afresh in all aspects.

speechless.

2009-08-07T00:29:00.003+07:00

banana-split thoughts.
maybe there ain't the need to be so specific/so clear headed with everything
living in a dreamy little world might not be that bad afterall.
or is it?
devils with their fork. angels with their hallos.
liars, i swear. all of them.
lying blatantly through their teeth
perfectionists. all of them
pointing out every single imperfection.
or maybe it's me. i would choose to live in a lie.

a part of me knowing it ain't right.
but i've decided to let it go cos' i'm tired of holding on to you.
and you ain't making a single bit of effort at all.

survivor

2009-08-01T18:18:00.000+07:00

and oh yes, so i did make it back in one piece and feeling really exhausted inside out after the continuous camps. first being the usual old sch 'team building' emphasis and second being the utmost crazy camp, trying things that i've never done so before. (yes, nightmarish components are part of it as well ohgawd)

1 Aug. seems like a reality check, reminding me constantly how school is gonna prolly start in about 2 weeks' time. BAD totally cos' i aint exactly looking forward to it. and yes, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to 3107. difficult to sneak out last night to join the rest but still, i hope everything turned out well.

crappy cousins

2009-07-24T23:58:00.003+07:00

hahahaha. i think me and j are a funny bunch. a pity we ain't entering the course at the same time or else it might prolly be another re-enactment of jc days.

It's either my sense of humour being darn bad, or j's really damn retarded. HAHAHAHA.

but still, that pianist is an ass seriously.
he's so good!
cause u r so lousy haha
HAHAHAHA you're such an ass also!
so anw, can the shirt fit?
if cant you return me okay.
i wear. dun waste it.HAHAHAHA
felt like skinny shirt
standard size luhhhhs.
it is huggin my body
i think korean guys all very thin you see.
hahahaha.
is it possible to fit nonetheless?
ya it can fit
finally u found something that is right for me
i thought u would hve brought back another cup
(P.S i buy every guy a cup/mug for a present every year cos' I'm bad at buying stuff for guys, unfortunately to say)
haha
HAHAHAHAHAHAA.
WALAO.
must you rub it in.
i dont know what to buy for guys la.
and you were so darn right
i was so tempted to buy yet another cup.
u r like xy...only noe how to by one thing
u keep buying cups:
n she keep buying shoes

---------------------

that was a series of theft cases.
is your mp3 okay?
ya my mp3 quite lousy...tink no thief wil wan to steal
plus i nvr use the lock that SAF gave us
mos of the theft cases occur with the lockers that use SAF approved locks
LOL.
ironic
shd be some inner theft case. lol.
ya maybe saf wanted to test whether their new lock works
apparently it doesnt
HAHAHAHA.
lousy thing!
that is only souvenir from ns that i can give u haha

yayyyyyyyyyyy

2009-07-24T00:16:00.002+07:00

a tad crazy post yeah man. HAHHA

aiyo can't stand it. kyuhyun is totally mesmerizing. HAHAHAHA.
even his voice pls his moves and essentially everythingggggg.
add on would be donghae and ryeowook (: (: (: (:

yeah yeah. i need my daily dosage of 'It's You'
crazy thing i bet i lost a screw. yay though!

pure addiction.

2009-07-21T00:38:00.004+07:00

i'm addicted to SUJU's "IT'S YOU"
brillant chereography :D
and yes, kyuhyun!

urgh. must be the time. crazy me.
and as expected, SYTYCD season 5 wasn't as nice as season 4.
HEARTS SEASON 4! :D

maybe a part of me hopes it would work out. maybe a part of me fears that it would work out. giving you a chance to make it work, but you didnt really seem to care. maybe i'm trying to protect myself way too much so that i won't get hurt. maybe i'm acting like a porcupine, shielding myself in every possible way.

ohmy.this ain't good

2009-07-19T12:26:00.001+07:00

SHIT LA 27th AUGUST.

morning. i think i wont be able to sleep on the 26th cos' its so damn bad.
oh wells. and to think the agency gave my assignment away thinking tt i rejected it tho i was still reconsidering it actually ):
and thinking still whether shd i return to ST, for a teeny weeny short while more since the rest are (more or less) back.
feeling still damn nua. blame jet lag.
like oh bullshit, there's no jet lag to begin with. HAHA. i'm jus cooking up nonsense.

trilalalala. daughtry's new album + chopin's nocturne. lovely.

tridumdum

2009-07-10T23:29:00.003+07:00

i think i would sound really incoherent in this post cos' i'm jus feeling a tad pissy probably. but i'm cool, really
point is, i jus wanna sound incoherent, i think.

------
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
no longer a loner cos' i'm heading for run 3!
good thing when you have a teeny weeny bit of connections
relieved that tingyu's heading towards smu also and we'll be heading for bondue.
(can't believe i was convinced to go since i was more into slacking somewhere at home)
thanks to mr hong. YAYS to that.

okay i'm acting like a kid still.
but whatever, i'm still a kid (i assumed to be one)
truth is my birthday hasn't pass so i'm still (rightfully) a kid.

gosh. this whole week has been such a crazy crazy week totally.
and p.s the game b/w roddick and federer is jus awesome. however, they dilly-dallied at the last match and it was pretty much of a pain to watch further. but still, roddick is really good. :D

the worst thing about choices and options is that you don't exactly know what you really want even. and when you are forced to make a decision, you just go all flustered and probably a part of you might be wishing that right from the start, it would be a lot better if you ain't given a decision to make.
thats so oxymoronic seriously. urgh whatever.

pissy pissy pissy.

2009-06-29T21:54:00.002+07:00

RUN 4!

screams. i ain't know anyone going with me.
DIE.
i'm gonna be an introvert and rot in my little corner hurhur.
maybe i shall just feign sick and loner.
BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

on the other hand, i hope the quarantine thing don't work out.
pretty plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

2009-06-25T22:53:00.002+07:00

quite right. i'm holding a little too much to false hopes.
i doubt i will get a shot actually, something strikes me as it being impossible definitely now, ever since the appeal results were released for him.
hard. i ain't even touched by whatever that i'm saying even, so how am i to be sure that it would touch the reader and show him my passion for something.
i do have it; maybe i just cant express it in the right way.

weird little thing.
i'm just forcing things, trying to make it work when everything is just crumbling apart eventually.
this's badddd. this's essentially impossible.
i kinda give uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.
urgh. whatever.
pissssy!

unsure. uncertain. doubtful

2009-06-20T01:00:00.003+07:00

i'm not sure whether to make judgements based on what others have said.
but for a group to make such a judgement and have such a slanted view all tgt, it might contain a bit of truth in it
i'm not sure where to head too. i'm getting a tad confused
to think i thought i was sure.
maybe i shall just let time do the telling.
let it fade. it's ending too anyway

uncertain. uncertain. very very uncertain.
now back to uni apps, its killing me still horrible thing!

pressure

2009-06-18T22:44:00.003+07:00

maybe we shalln't try pushing things.
there aint the need to add unnecessary pressure
maybe the status quo now shall just do perfectly fine.
i like it, i think i do.
ain't sure. maybe that's how exciting things are, keeping matters perfectly vague and less clear cut.

pressure = force/area
force: so many things to do and to think and to make an rational decision
area: so little time, so little breathing space, so much to consider.
i feel like a banana split anytime from now.
bad imagery. but still, whatever whatever.

wondering. wondering and still wondering

2009-06-16T22:50:00.003+07:00

lost.
where to go, where to hide, where to run, somewhere to cry.
lost in my thoughts. wanting to know why, why and why.
reasons. why do we need any in the first place.
go with your heart. that's so uncalled for in the first place.

lost.
hoping that time would make everything clearer
didn't. made everything much more vague.
uncertainty. making things seem even more unfamiliar
maybe it's just me, unaccepting of so much. so hard to step out of my little box.

my head hurts.
surviving more panadol like that everyday,
i bet i will die of panadol-poisoning soon.
tata!

cheery. not.

2009-06-10T12:05:00.003+07:00

people whom you have known for a really long time, might not really know you at all.
while ironically, people whom you barely know might be the very ones who somehow are able to relate to you the best
tired. tired of making things that definitely won't work out, work out.
life's just weird seriously.

on a cheery note, i think i definitely have to pull myself out and register for my practical tho i'm feeling very very very lazy to.
and on a cheery note, i hope i do not fail my sight reading.
and i do not fumble during my first piece, play out the essentials of the second piece and score for my dynamics in the third piece.

and i still have not receive notification. still pending.
pending
pending
pending
pending
pending.

this post is absolutely filled with irony totally. cos' life ain't cheery at all.
nor is this post.

p.s on a weird note, my mum was trying to get me and ling go m'sia with her.
screams at the thought of going m'sia
i think ling would give in tho. hahahahahaa.

wishes

2009-06-02T23:05:00.005+07:00

Wishes. Wishes and Wishes.
wishes for the nights to be longer,
while the days to be shorter
wishes that everything could stay as pretty and perfect as it is,
wishes that time could slow down for us sometimes.
wishes that the world could be a little less ugly
wishes that many things could be direct and less complex
wishes for things to be a lot simpler
wishes that she could be a little stronger.
wishes that life would have lesser grey areas
wishes for lesser 'maybes', lesser looking-back moments and lesser regrets.
wishes that life could be a little less harsh
wishes that she can see the world, explore every corner of it
wishes that someday, she would find eternal happiness

2009-05-30T22:20:00.004+07:00

my mum used to say how she can just play sesame street (recorded version) over and over again when i was much younger. and the most amazing thing ever would be that i never felt bored watching it, according to her.

maybe that's how straightfoward life was when you were much younger. less complex and lesser grey areas. things are just clear-cut as it is, in either black or white. or maybe you won't exactly bother whether is it repetition a not to begin with cos' if it's simple and nice.

back to my point. amazingly, my two cousins are spamming my facebook wall totally. the content is hilarious and i truly admire their sarcasm and how they can be constantly updated with each others' updates and reply to it via my wall.
yesterday was back to school anw. almost 7 months since i left school and had to return to collect all the necessary documents. it's weird how 2 years back at the same time, i was looking at my seniors' SGC and their achievements. somehow, this time now, that very document detailed my achievements and bore my name.

nothing has changed much. maybe its my mindset that has changed much also.
maybe i just need to deal with changes. maybes and maybes.

adios!

love me for my imperfections.
remember me for my perfections.
yet thou love me not.

2009-05-29T23:12:00.002+07:00

yayyyy. strings quartet is loved! :D :D :D
if got concerts, i will wanna go!
the power of violin, compared to those black and white keys. boring!
anw, the esplanade performance was really really good. if only could watch it again, would love it totally.

when time is there to do the telling

2009-05-21T11:22:00.002+07:00

random note: uni days are starting like ohmygod so sooooooon!
i'm not prepared at all to start studying, to start paying attention in lectures/seminars or even to start mugging my heart out.
oh no. this seemed damn bad actually. tsk.

---
ados.
nothing much to update these days.
everything is pretty much stagnant.
only that american idol season 8's results were out.
sad that adam lambert didnt get it. cos 'mad world' sang by him was really really undeniably good.
BUT still love archuleta from season 7! :D
his vocals are truly amazing like ohmygawdddd.

cheers to david A! :D

angels in the alleyway-david archuleta
mad world-adam lambert

TIME

2009-05-15T13:51:00.002+07:00

it's way too fast. half a year since JC ended, since A's ended and since everything nightmarish has ended. at least everything ended in a alright way, nothing very fabulous but nothing really horrible as well.

i guess it's jus how things work for me sometimes-hanging in the middle.

good in a way also cos' in the very least, i won't have to encounter any nasty horrendous shocks. i don't need everything to be smooth-sailing but i would hate it if something weird, nasty comes into my way.

back to apps. soooo annoying to have this still for the past 2 months.

Your application is currently being processed. We will inform you of the outcome of your application in due course.

oh well. let's hope that everything would soon be okay.

Every Moment-Joy Williams

2009-05-06T20:57:00.002+07:00

gold with honours!
cheeeers to them man. kinda wasted cos' i should have taken time off to watch the competition.
heard they were really good.

wasted little thing tho! ):

but i guess, it ain't worth looking back.
at least mfco got a gold and ajco got gold with honours this year. :D
yayyyy. at least it was a sweet victory.

tridumdum.

2009-05-04T23:41:00.003+07:00

finally bought my book after gazillion procrastination and whatever nonsense.
cheeers to angels and demons.
though i've read it 2-3 times already, it's still absolutely fascinating.
hearts dan brown totally.
gonna catch the movie when it's out on 14th May. yayyyyy.

sch's starting. i'm gonna start screaming. gotta find all my stationaries, pack my stuff ready and prepare to mug hard.

jus did the retarded facebook test and the result showed that i'm a loner.
HAHA. retarded totally.
yes yes, loner, introvert + abnormal.
so i shall just conform to a horrific mugger when term starts.
cheers to loner-ism!

retarded little thing. must be the time. ciao!

REST

2009-05-02T11:51:00.004+07:00

it's may, like ohmyfgawd. its horrifying how fast a pace everything is moving at. around 2 months before contract ends and before school starts. gawd. freaked out!

oh yeah, i'm finally not working for 2 consecutive off days in a week. usually, i would be at work now picking up calls non-stop.

i just want a little time for myself. to think things through, to think things hard and to have my thoughts straighten out. mentally exhausted yes.

maybe i jus need a little break from all this, just for a little while.

David Archuleta-Crush
I could jus listen to this forever.
But is there a forever to begin with.

2009-04-26T22:37:00.004+07:00

enjoy listening to songs by david archuleta and david cook!
cheeers totally.

on a side note, j's coming out sooon. gonna make him treat and have yet to buy a beanie for him also. shalln't care. but the dress that xin bought was really pretty. cheers to that also. hopefully the ns guys do survive!

may's coming soon. freaky. uni's starting soon too. even more freaky. i'm freaking out so much really. freaky.

cheers to beauty. cheers to happiness. and cheeers to life.
it's all about expectations. it's so easy to feel happy, if we don't expect so much of ourselves, or if we see things in that less hard-up way. maybe that's the beauty of it, to find happiness in simplicity cos' complexity is just annoying the shit outta us most of the time. to grow and to learn that setting standards that we could cope with tend to make us happier.

i wanna feel free. i wanna get happiness out of this. i wanna this dream to last forever.

my rants. my memories.

2009-04-25T15:02:00.006+07:00

wanna blog out everything that i rmb now lest it slipped my mind. memories seemed to be fading at an increasing speed so horrifying that shock me somehow.

mr hanny is outta ns. so i asked him whether did he go for star gazing also. (damn bloody random i know) thats the problem when i mean that all my memory cells are all dying apparently. tsk. he did also. and i saw the skull picture and some words in the nightsky. with all that stars and my fuzzy eyesight and wet hair and in a very sleep mode. slept only at 4am during the last night i remember, folding stuff for my kids and packing all the presents.

and yes, i remembered playing husband and wife also with edmund as my teaching partner and how we had to take care of m2/3. how we had to run along with them and how we had to handle all of them especially when they get so violent while playing. and i remember this little girl whose name i've forgotten and during night tuition, how we would be learning thai from them and they learning english from us.
how their tears erupt from their tear sacs when they heard we were leaving. its only 6 days so i cant imagine if we did stay on for that full 15 days.
how they hugged us and cried for our departure.
most funny memory was the presentation when we dance, we sing and we (not steal things like duh. ain't advertising for jason mraz) do retarded things :)
ching-chong and the retarded in-out dance. and the elephant dance even.

i wont forget hong nam yu tee nai.

the whole ocip was ranting hong nam yu tee nai. cheers to that.
suey/lor mak mak.

reminisces, a lot.
a part fading, a part wanting it to stay.

i'm so glad that a gold has been maintained for the past 2 years! it's really really heartening. and if only, if only that gold has been ours years back. always a regret but i'm glad i was part of that 05-06 orchestra which has given me so much memories. cheers to tian shan sheng hui and xing kong. and cheers to that gold :D

misses

2009-04-20T17:11:00.003+07:00

i realised how much has changed
how fast things have changed.
went through my mind, pace slow yet fast also, all at the same time.
memories, drip off like that bit by bit.
maybe that's how life works, filled with regrets, letting them stay
and letting them hurt you all at one time.

pain. maybe.
just looked through so much. maybe cos' i've not access to my desktop pc for so long that when i do, i just start looking at all the photographs taken, one by one.

i miss 31. i miss our nonsense. i miss the celebrations. i miss everything even peer tutoring though it was so hard to get pass every lesson. i miss our nonsense during peer-tutoring. i miss rushing to catch dark knight as a class together. there's so much that i miss and so much is there to remember. i miss our great wall of china during econs. i miss all these memories.

i looked through OCIP. the kids, the washing of the darn oily plates, the tedious teaching (since half the class don't exactly listen. hahahaha) and even teaching them the claps. their tears, their love and their sincerity. i would miss OCIP 2008; these 6 days filled up so much of my memories in jc. the team, the laugher, the night skies. how cold it was during the night but a group of us still went star gazing and attempted to count the number of shooting stars that night. someone counted 8; i saw 1 only. it was beautiful but i didnt have the time to make a wish.

i found the CSSP photos at sentosa, by coincidence. looked through them one by one. foreign yet familiar still. a memory fading away, bit by bit, drop by drop.

maybe its time to move on. maybe its time to learn how to let go again. maybe i would feel better not thinking about it. maybes and maybes.

2009-04-15T22:37:00.002+07:00

i thought i might feel sad.

but i realised that i didnt feel any emotion at all.

i walked away and wont look back.

maybe i'm jus numbed. haha.

but still, get ready for chiong ah mahjong!

jiayou! win tan's moneyyy. oleh!

ten years down the road

2009-04-10T18:45:00.002+07:00

10 years down the road. It really is funny how we would be saying that when we are all much younger, maybe during the p6 PSLE days I do remember vividly.

7 years has past. So 10 years wasn't very long either. Maybe it was how life proceeded that made it seemed a little shorter. What would hold in the future 10 years from now too?

Moving on. Proceeding with courage. Entering yet leaving all at the same time. Disappearing. Or maybe, gradually diminishing so slowly that you would never ever sense its presence fading. So thats how leaving this world is all about. Or maybe it never was there to make departure a big bang. Or maybe there's so much more worth in your life cos' you only have just this once. Pass this once and you can't exactly be looking back at all. No chance at all.

Dreams, ambitions, hopes, future, family, relationships. Every single thing. Probably change and it would be another path taken altogether. A tad cliche but really, the only thing constant in this world is change.

I don't expect every single thing to be brillant. I don't expect the whole world to slow down for me either. I only expect less darkness; i need at least a guilding light in my life.

David Archuleta- A Little Too Not Over You

2009-04-06T20:39:00.002+07:00

i'm sorry that i've dropped you like a hot potato.

it never did cross my mind to have things end up this way.

apologies.

2009-04-05T00:01:00.002+07:00

i decided to close my eyes, make a dash for it. i never ran so much before ever since school ended. my leg hurts, my train of thoughts got disrupted and i wonder why i felt so much pain. physically or emotionally? it never did cross my mind to make a clear distinction.

everything is gonna return to status quo. i'm relieved that the very least, i could go back. how things are gonna turn out, i've no idea.

AND i'm starting to peeeel. not much to rant about but after hurting for an entire week, i'm glad that at least those dead skin cant be gotten rid of cos' its not only hideous, it hurts darn loads. and talking about gory scenes, SHINJUKU INCIDENT almost made me throw up. gross to the core. i should have expected it to be gory but yah, it didn't cross my mind that it would so vomit-inducing.

i swear the pasta that i had for dinner almost came out of my mouth really.

but mall cop was funnny. i swear i laugh like there's no tomorrow. i love comedies tons. make me feel like watching HANDSOME SUIT. i think it would be highly retarded but yes, paying for cheap thrill and lameness.

FUNNY THING.

if you're in a not-so-pleasant mood, go catch it for its retardedness.
hoorays.

2009-03-29T19:19:00.004+07:00

29th march. a few more days to april. it's pretty scary how fast time passes.
and i'm still feeling way too warm. i don't want a fever to erupt out, not now i know. and i want my skin to peel. sounds darn wrong but in the very least, i'm sure that i wont look as hideous as i do now. and oh shoots my skin hurts a lot now. urgh.

back to sleep then. i need i really need tons of it then pia my wu lin da dao if they are still showing it later.

cheers to that mannn.

maybe you left your heart somewhere. and could never find it back since then.

Realization

2009-03-22T10:41:00.004+07:00

i stared into the mirror.

this feeling of insecurity started to sink in

who is this?

i never exactly could tell

as I stared at my own reflection

someone i barely know, someone who felt so foreign to me all of a sudden

someone who foolishly held onto hopes

someone who foolishly believe that miracles do exist

Life is getting more and more routine as the day passes. I'm pretty much looking towards opening of school. Get to know more people, crap more, laugh more and be happy more.

minus the academic nonsense.

And yes, I'm glad that there are still little things that I do look forward to at work. Laughing with the girls, doing nonsense, calculating kilobytes, playing pranks. Yah, these little things kinda matter now to me. And I never knew that Riko was so really old already. He became so skinny after all that hair was shaved. Or maybe he was already that skinny just that the hair was of good disguise for him. He's 12 years old alr. Old doggg. And i didnt get to see ong ystd. saded!

OT OT OT!

Oh yes. P.S the sky was really really pretty yesterday! :D

next week's gonna be busy. better survive through it and sleep a tad earlier. it's gonna help i suppose. mahjong craving! to be satisfied next week. hoorays.

2009-03-18T22:17:00.003+07:00

all day long, i went kns-ing every 5 minutes.
see, positive influence from ong. she imparted this kns-ing destressing technique to me the other day. it really helps to destress tho. just that i'm spilling 'profanities' every now and then at every corner of my seat.

and today was the day that my heart really went out to this particular individual.

maybe she was just panting.

maybe it's just her speech impairment

but a part of me suspected that she was crying.

maybe it's how vulnerable i'm to be able to help her that hurts.

maybe i've just got to keep on trying

and keep it all going.

departure.

2009-03-15T22:42:00.003+07:00

you left.

my heart bled.

FREEEEEbies

2009-03-14T22:07:00.004+07:00

j has been increasingly nice. i dont think i will EVER compliment him but yah, i'm truly touched by his kind actions. he's been increasingly patient these days. AND thus i've decided to buy him a beanie when he heads for tekong. he protested that he doesn't need it now cos' he has his nice hair now.

not for soon i bet. beanue is nice. it's like those worn by american hiphop dancers. i like it man cos' it would make him look a tad cooler.

-imagine hard-

such a HAHA really. but i think for me, it's pretty much joke of the day totally.

so today started off on a bright sunny day. instantly became extreme dark when the calls begin. not that it was bad but the thing is that the thought of it just turns me off. and yah, xinyi headed back wayyy too early. boos to that.

and when it comes to goodie bags, i think we're all so cheapo cos' we went to queue for the pormegranate mangosteen drink which was really good. haha. and yah, i heard the freebies at the other side were much better. no idea but i shall head down tomorrow to see. it'll be pretty entertaining i'm sure?

freeeeeeeeeeeebies.

get the enthusiasm? hahs. i think i've just lost a screw

bedtime stories' freeeeeeeeebies!

MAYBEs

2009-03-10T22:28:00.003+07:00

my head hurts. maybe it was the demanding job today that makes everything else so much worse. maybe it's the darn lenses which spoilt. or maybe i just got out of the wrong side of the bed. or maybe it's the long long application that's sucking all my brain cells. maybe it was that problem arising again that added onto my headache. or maybe i jus need to force-drink that i throw up and perhaps feel a tad better after that. or maybe i'm just terribly deprived of retail therapy. or maybe i just need the bed and some good night sleep.

or maybe i've just got an issue today.

when i thought i've let it all go, these memories are coming back to haunt. and i wanna make it stop but i cant.

circle of lies

2009-03-09T21:10:00.004+07:00

maybe all this while,

we've been chasing each other endlessly

living in our small little worlds

living on our small little hopes.

and so what,

all that came to senses was that

it was wrong

and i should make it all stop

the only thing left is that we are back

back to our original positions,

neither moving forward nor back.

never exactly moving on from where we should have.

right from the start.

circle

2009-03-08T21:25:00.001+07:00

it really is funny.

how he broke my heart

and i went on breaking his

and he continued on breaking hers

it all ended up as a vicious cycle apparently.

maybe it's jus a silly silly story.

the beginning of the end

2009-03-07T22:29:00.002+07:00

i've finally managed to at least edit the darn font and the colours. so i reckon it's always good to navigate and play with the system cos' you might yield pretty good results perhaps?

and i'm starting to really abhor aunties and uncles besides my own relatives. urgh. must be the job that's turning me off everything around me but the mention of someone speaking in chinese and LOOK is seriously enough to put me off and perhaps to throw up.

today was a BAD day in short. but luckily there's onggg to make the day a tad less bad. :D

so i shall now begin my 14 days marathon soon perhaps. HAHA. chiong it totally!

--------

cos' i've thought it through
exhausting it is, to pick up the pieces left by you, one by one.
i've had enough, maybe it's time to stop.
maybe it's time to stop hoping that a miracle might happen.

2009-03-04T19:47:00.002+07:00

saying that today is a bad day, is COMPLETELY AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
and i feel like throwing myself against a wall now
but the sane part of me tell me not to
i need my brains for tomorrow.
and i need to mug tonight.
maybe i will start fretting tomorrow.
or maybe even not.

*

and how nice.

someone screamed at me over the phone for a mere $0.40.

i'm truly amazed how i could even swallow it.

or maybe i'm numbed.

but pls, it doesnt matter how insane i'm tonight.

i hope everything would go well tomorrow and friday.

cos' for these two days, i think i need all the luck that i can ever get

For now.

2009-03-02T11:47:00.002+07:00

i'm so pissed. i've been trying to edit that silly blogger template but to no avail and tadah, it's still the ugly screen here.

urgh. sick. i think my emotions are starting to be affected with that horrid news that results would be released on fri. i feel like running for cover immediately after receiving my results PLUS throw my phone away. or is would putting a paper bag over my head would be a better choice?

i think the former.

shit. and i'm gonna proceed with my 14 days work marathon aft results are released. i hope that's workable but i think 14 days would just leave me feeling a like a corpse but who cares, i seriously need money for my lessons. let's jus survive this results shit thing before i go worry about anything else.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep time!

2009-03-01T23:45:00.002+07:00

黑角 & 爵劇影色舞團

totally dynamite. cos' i had a hearty good laugh when 黑角 performed.

glad that they won though i prefer contemporary jazz. hahhhs.

hurrrayyys!

Possibilities

2009-02-28T00:50:00.003+07:00

maybe it's so hard to walk through those doors.

so really difficult to believe

and so tough to wanna have faith.

tugged my heart strings one by one.

and bit by bit, everything starts to fall apart

maybe i ain't exactly strong enough yet

to deal with it, casually and suavely.

so it's so difficult to be nonchalent

when part of you is somehow affected.

maybe it's hard to turn a blind eye

or a deaf ear to things.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

went past those familiar gates

those familiar corridors

maybe it's those beautiful memories that hurt you the most

ironically speaking since they

they should have left an impact so deep

that it's essentially so emotionally challenging to move on

maybe thats why leaving jc didnt hurt as hard and as much

as moving from sec school.

but these remains the past. and goodbye from here.

2009-02-23T20:00:00.001+07:00

amazing race is brillant :D
totally like tammy and victor! the only asians man.
and 'the pianist' is really great, minus the turmoil and gore.
plus today's calls were one of the better ones out of all the other days. :)

hope these would continue man. aja aja fighting! :D

BELIEF

2009-02-18T22:22:00.003+07:00

maybe goodbyes are just meant to be

maybe we are meant to say goodbye to each other

or maybe we would just walk out of each other's lives

without even having to say goodbye

without even having to shed a tear

maybe many things were meant to be.

or maybe many things are just there to fool you upside down,

left right center

inside out.

or maybe it's just this driving force that pushes us to move in

whatever way that it wants us to.

or maybe, simply to put it,

we've to learn how to say goodbye

if we were to say hello in the first place.

maybe you walked out of my life. maybe you didnt. but for this sudden moment, it didn't exactly matter anymore. cos' i've decided that part of your existence has ceased to be part of the current me now; it has now become part of my memory only.

2009-02-14T23:35:00.002+07:00

B-O-R-E-D!

maybe i should jus take up more OT next time. hahahas.

and i really detest exams. cos' they would stir this rebellious streak/thing in me to do anything but prepare for it. i think it jus surfaces a simple conclusion: i'm not made out for exams.

HAHS.

EXISTENCE

2009-02-13T20:21:00.004+07:00

i realise that for many different things in life, the minute that you pass it, there isn't any way where by you can turn back and reach for it. it ain't even possible for you to turn around cos' there's what life is about- to make you move forward and anywhere but backwards.

maybe that's the beauty of this perspective of life. maybe a lot of times we are told to go with your hearts and not let any other opinions/comments waver your decision.

maybe i've lost that much. or maybe i've gain it back in another way still. or maybe it's just me living in self delusion.

many walk in and out of your life. but not all leave an impact that you would remember and how their actions would never be forgotten as they are deeply imprinted in your memory bank. many left deep and painful ones, unknowingly while others left pretty comforting ones in you. some would just step into your heart for a while, give it a little warmth and then walk out of your life permanently. we just have different reasons for our own existence.

and maybe at the end of the day, we would just end up as lonely souls. leaving this world the way we entered it- all alone. maybe departing ain't really so scary at all. it's the things that you leave behind that makes everything seems sombre.

maybe these are the bits and pieces that make up life.

dangs. trilala. dangs. trihoho. toodles.

HEAVEN

2009-02-09T20:08:00.003+07:00

i never know how these emotions can just pour like a waterfall, soaking me to the core and temporary depriving me of any possible happiness.

i hope the angels would be there to love her, sing for her and embrace her with happiness. i hope that she would find eternal joy and peace.

.

2009-02-08T12:43:00.002+07:00

sunday. february the 8th. first week of february. the year 2009.

1 month and 1 week has past pretty much like that. to that, only thing i've to say is the cliche 'time flies'. back to the 'onboard' period tomorrow just that we would all be handling 'one-man-show' now, no longer working in pairs already.

time has been spent pretty fulfilling these days.
you take your own time to breathe
you have your own space to do whatever you want
you have time to catch up
you have no one to breathe down behind your neck.
you have time to day dream and dream of all the beautiful possibilities.

i like that kinda feeling.

oh well. in any case, i'm so glad that i've found breaking dawn. YAYS. :D
and benjaminbuttons is really really good. A little long and slightly dry at the beginning initially but when brad pitt appears (young and suave), he takes your breath away.

a should watch! :D

♥

2009-02-04T20:22:00.001+07:00

♥

hahaha. i'm in love with that cute symbol up there. but i think the one at facebook looks cuter tho it seemed all the same.

wednesday already. looking forward to the end of the week. looking forward to break. really really need it. and onboard today is pretty hiong in the sense that perhaps, we ain't very used to it yet. i wonder how things are gonna be from next week onwards when it would be a one-man-show from monday onwards. hope that i won't start pulling all my hair out.

i think managing work and individual life SEPARATELY is all that is possible now. it's tough actually especially when your morn is spoilt totally with nasty calls.

just gotta learn how to manage life as it is i guess.

toodles!

P.S i'm angry i missed last night's SYTYCD. ): shoots! cos' i thought the show was today and wah piangs danggggs! i missed that episode. WALAOOOO. saded.

2009-02-01T00:48:00.000+07:00

say that i'm resigned. say that i've changed. but does it really matter who i've become now to you cos' all along, i've been perceived in that ugly hideous way by you.

my 120th post. goodnights.

2009-02-01T00:16:00.004+07:00

finding scores by joe hisaishi. better find it soooon cos' the song is really niceeee and it seems easy to play also.

i'm totally pitch-salah so i cant go by ong's way and stare into the youtube video hoping to memorise the notes. it is akin to asking a frog to fly. why weird description of frog i've no idea. it's the time i conclude. she played ponyo by the cliff and i really really wanna kowtow to her.

hahahaha! just find it funny how she played the first part of secret and i continued the second part. love that song jus that the director of the house (aka my dear mum) always claim it's noisy.

and here's a letter to plead with her. like wow what the fish difference it would make to convince her.

Dear Sir/Mdm,

This note is written to request to keep hammy in the house. I promise to take care and love hammy with all my heart, setting aside my rest days for it definitely. I hope you would trust that I would take ample care of it and as to where hammy shall sleep in, please be reassured that all of such would be well taken of. hammy definitely will not be kept out of the house due to the possibility of wild cats creeping in.

Please consider my application and I hope it would be a positive reply that you get back to me with. The vice director (aka my dad) has agreed to my request so I hope you would to.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,
your employee (with love)

i'm jus plain bored. goodnight. i shall bug ong for spirited away scores. yays.

P.S can you imagine someone whom you like playing a piano duet with you? i cant cos' i would prolly faint on the spot when that happens. PLUS this weird thought strike my brain during the customer care training. it's the time i conclude. 1.30am.

whees. that's why i love the weekends.

[editted]

corpse bride duet by danny elfman. hearts it.

faith

2009-01-30T21:58:00.003+07:00

.

when a part of me decides that it's time
time to let go of you gradually.
goodbye to your presence.
it's time to put an end to it.

.
sad story by loveholic.
that moment. that belief. that faith.

POST CNY

2009-01-29T22:10:00.003+07:00

life's pretty boringggg.

let's try to make it a little more interesting.
everything is back to the slow mode, mundane life after the chinese new year break.

the cny period is pretty much exciting. older cousins trying to 'con' you of your mahjong money, trying my best to win in gambling, taking random photos at the park, trying to play frisbee in a dress, trying to prevent your dress from flying upwards, gorging yourself with steamboat/bbq. and having fun, trying to thrash shaun tan in pool but failed pretty miserably. (and oh shoots, kpool raised their prices and it's now so oh shoots expensive to play there alr!)

oh my i miss having fun la. and it's a wonder that my cousins are already pretty old. but it shouldnt be since i'm already reaching 20 so it's natural for my older cousins to be slightly older as well. it's just the number thing that i've not come into terms with on my own.

i will oh my shoots miss this period. and i've beeen vulgar these days. wtf kept coming into my mind.

nah. it's just what the fish. nothing very vulgar actually :D

GOTCHA.

2009-01-28T20:39:00.001+07:00

2009-01-22T20:42:00.003+07:00

releasing every bit of heat now. gosh. and i feel the fever coming. maybe i shall just knock out in a while.

dad's pretty right. when you have started working (or should i say when you've ended school), you don't exactly feeel the presence of CNY coming since there's no more of those CNY celebrations.

oh well. i shall look forward to win weijian's money during CNY since he has been trying to make us gamble with him whenever we meet. :D and i look forward to eating reunion dinner on saturday and sunday. i always thought that is the best part of CNY.

and meet-ups like that on monday and last saturday were really good. luckily there's xin with me or else i would freak out tons actually. and most of us have changed pretty much i guess. or maybe they didnt but it's just my eyes. hope more of such can come along

(i miss meeting up as 4some!) but definitely the venue of meetup should be a lot cheaper. and yes, i wanna see joan ng too. :D

toodles then.

korean hana yori dango really is nice. AKIRA AND DOMYOUJI! shuai and cute to the max.

2009-01-18T22:47:00.002+07:00

CNY's coming. It doesnt really have that joyous feeling compared to previous years. Pretty weird though. Like what i've used to read in a magazine, it's all surfacing pretty much now.

the older you are, there would be lesser happy things. at the same time though, you would have lesser things to be sad about also.

it's pretty oxymoronic in a sense but maybe my bad english (phrasing also) just didnt manage to convey the true meaning of it. Oh well, i must say that i've pia through the japanese version of HANA YORI DANGO within a day. it's really superb. :D huishan recommended a nice show tho she mentioned that it's the korean version that's nice. Hanazawa Rui is really prince-charming material in the show. :D or maybe it's just the lightings and the angles that his shots were taken.

but still, crazy me pia through the drama serials like that would just leave my degree soaring upwards like the way oil prices did several months back. But still, i'm chionging Love Story at Harvard now. may i not be blind.

i choose to say
that i wanna stay.
and i choose to not run away.

2009-01-15T21:59:00.002+07:00

secondhand serenade's songs are really really good. love it actually.

it has been a busy, mind boggling week i must say. many stuff happened and these probably might change my life quite a great deal i suppose.

all i want really badly now is to go ECP and sort things out again. sitting down till the sun sets and till the cold wind comes and threatens to blow you away. it would help tons i believe.

say that i'm resigned. say that i've changed. but does it really matter who i've become now to you cos' all along, i've been perceived in that ugly hideous way by you.

2009-01-13T21:25:00.003+07:00

bella's lullaby ain't that nice actually. lol. it's still acceptable la i think. i think.
shall go jog now, jog till my legs drop off perhaps. hah. maybe shall try for 6 rounds. maybe.

i wonder why bach has always been pronounced as 'bark' with the k being silent
and why chopin has been pronounced as 'shopan' and not 'chopping'

weird. haha.

think deeper. i see everything in a clearer perspective. maybe uglier but in the very least, clearer.

2009-01-12T18:08:00.002+07:00

really really like string instruments. cello, viola and even violin. the beauty of it all. a pity that i'm a little too old to pick it up. would love to play the violin actually. yes, this weird thought sparked out from nowhere cos' i just watch the trailer on youtube.

seems really really good.

omigod, i shall rush off to watch august rush now. the female lead is really really pretty and yes, the male lead is hot. maybe not hot but charming in the very least. blue eyes! hahaha. and i'm glad i've survived the whole of wireless data and all the weird stuff tied to it. somehow i conclude we really love keropok cos' we finished almost all of it that was in the pantry. super funny. it was full to the brim in the morn and by evening, only 1/8 of it was left.

p.s it was in those big big khong guan tins and not some pathetic little bottle sort ok.

and i'm speaking like donald duck now. the stupid metal thing is killing me. and i feel the urgent need to take them out, like now.

2009-01-10T23:26:00.001+07:00

i realise that i could survive without you so i shall just let you go, bit by bit.

inspired by stephanie meyer's series, Eclipse.

2009-01-10T12:26:00.002+07:00

it's weird how i'm staring at the computer screen, a part of me hoping that the sky will start collapsing and i will then stop staring.

and it's really weird also to be chatting online with a 14 year old thai kid who's really lucky to have computer and internet access (needless to say msn messenger) i don't think my kids would get a chance to talk to me online actually. was least expecting perhaps an email to say that everyone's fine but nah, that never came along.

that aside, it is finally weekends here. it's good to laze at home and wait for the sky to fall. i kinda miss that feeling actually. and for the past week, it has been mostly shuffling around, listening to those funny previous recordings and then back home.

so life's pretty stagnant and it's back to the life before jc even started. but definitely better than the last 2 years or should i be more specific, it's a lot better.

TGIT

2009-01-08T18:31:00.002+07:00

i think i know what to buy with my borders gift card already.

breaking dawn! :D

cos' miss seedling don't have the last book and i'm like half way into my eclipse. i think i like the cover the most. and seaweed don't wanna play tennis with me on saturday. that makes me even more sad as a matter of fact. i think i'm craving for tennis really badly after playing wii the other time. BUT i really need the help of dearest seaweed to help me get my strokes right la!

and today was really really dry till the point that i switched off after lunch. All the technical jargons start flying out from all corners and i think i would have to stop dozing off tomorrow morn so as to absorb everything during the recap. Though it's boring, i think i would miss this training period after surviving it through it all.

TGIT! it makes my day totally thinking bout that.
THANK GOD IT'S THURSDAY. cheers a lot to that. i can finally take a breather from all this. and i've the sudden urge to start watching the jap version of hana kimi cos' it's really really funny.

2009-01-07T20:47:00.002+07:00

maybe this's what it means to have grown up.

it's to stop looking back and move on.

no matter how hard it is.

AUSTRALIA

2009-01-04T12:11:00.003+07:00

this is really bad. i'm not mentally prepared at all goodness gracious. and sundial dreams is really really difficult to play. 6 flats you know. maybe i'd manage better with 6 sharps but that ain't the point.

maybe it's time to reflect and to retreat back into my slimy hole. maybe i shalln't bother if you don't seem to bother as well.

and AUSTRALIA is really good. HUGH JACKMAN. screams pls. :D
his charm at the ball scene is really really funny that everyone was aww-ing. LOL.
Nicole Kidman is really really good; her azure blue eyes just do the speaking most of the time.
oh yes, the opening scene when jackman used her luggages to whack up this guy was really funny cos' every content in there flew out. but only me and the girls were laughing. the rest were just staring speechlessly.

once again. to hugh jackman! :D

and the omigodddd robert pattinson. and i've started eclipse already. they said that it's the nicest book out of the whole meyer's series. but it looks freaking thick.

P.S finally got hold of Ms Zhu's card. thank you to her! (: i'm proud to be part of the OCIP 2008 team thailand, very proud.

2009-01-02T11:03:00.002+07:00

currently listening to Taylor Swift's love story. i really like the rhythm.

it's 2009. c'mon c'mon. a brand new year ahead.
and yes, i love my girls to bits. i love the chalet. and i love them all for their nonsense, crap and cam-whoring rubbish.
and they made me realise how time havent really at all wash away whatever i've always fear of losing. i'm really glad we're still like before or should i say, stronger than before.

they are truly loved.

2008-12-31T15:23:00.003+07:00

and yes, don't read too much my posts.

saying that 'i wanna dieeee' doesnt mean that i would literally throw myself off the building. i would equate that act to reaching the brink of insanity.

i'm speaking nonsense. i shall dive into my bed of roses and yes, sleep to my heart's content. goodnight!

31st dec 2008

2008-12-31T14:52:00.003+07:00

just few hours ago, i was lugging everything back like a mad woman. hair standing all over the place and looked utterly shagged. to think min can laugh bout it and say i look like rain. (that korean star like omg. how's it ever possible? ) couldn't eat anything in the morn so i'd left the rest and head for home first.

i wanna kick gan bao sheng really. kept laughing non-stop and his annoying "what the shit" and "noob" are like stuck in my brain now. all his silly fault la and yes, i'm sure the rest would agree with me for all the silly things he did. and yes, i took a photo while he was holding that pink gay bag for me. HAHA. i found it funny but apparently, the rest just concluded that i'm crazy once again. which apparently IS NOT true cos' i'm perfectly sane, kicking and strong.

and before i can get a wink when i reached home, i've gotta run out in formal attire yet again. -roll eyes to that-

forget it. stop rambling. i shall just conclude how 2008 meant to me. how it was really a weird year with its transition of events going from high to low and back to high like a very-not-exciting-rollar-coaster. 2nd year in college was definitely easier to adapt than the 1st. The least that was done was to have a gauge of how life stuck in prison would be and it was the year i get to be more aware of my surroundings and know more people.

j1 was merely in my own dreamland, good in a sense too.

well. it's heartening to know that horror, that nightmare has finally ended. now is yet another journey that we'll embark on. and yes, need tons of courage and yes, one step at a time.

toodles to 2008. and blog again after new year.
and finished NEW MOON. moving on to ECLIPSE. :D
new moon is nice though i've no idea why many beg to differ. and i hate stories when guys dump girls and expect forgiveness later. bullcrap really.

2008-12-28T00:07:00.002+07:00

feeling like a piece of wretched left-in-one-corner note now, unseen and untouched. maybe it's just the friggin time that's causing me to feel sulkish and yes, wanna scream like a mad woman.

the blue blue sea. the amazing thing about it was that there's two shades of blue. that's for the pacific ocean i've seen while in taiwan. there's no distinct skyline and that is the beauty of it all.

you can't just helped but feel awe by the beauty of that vast amount of water. the waves, the sand and every little bit of it that make up that very soothing atmosphere. and yah, the ocip company was greatly appreciated also today. it's always nice to come together, play some silly games, say some silly stuff and laugh our heads off.

YA. the only thing that make me wanna start ranting is the seat of the bike. they are horrible and they threatened to make your life ~~ass~~ utterly miserable. they probably need restucturing and yes, improve on their darn bikes.

anyway, life's pretty yikey now. How it will be 2009 soon, how i feel like a jobless parasite and how I desperately need work to kill time and earn money. It's just rotting my life ~~ass~~ off at home. plain waste of the earth's resources i call it but yah, good jobs are really hard to find. and even if there's one, most would have been snapped up and none would be left for you.

-screams-

back to reality. there's still a million stuff to be done. i wanna watch Australia. and i wanna finish Breaking Dawn, New Moon also. And how i hope we can go batam for countdown. that would be really cool.

2008-12-27T00:23:00.003+07:00

that name appeared in my mind again all of a sudden, after stopping for a year plus. maybe occasionally, memories would just resurface and later fade away.

goodbye. i rather it disappear and cease to exist.

P.S Happy Birthday to my dearest Ong. Her gift is a bikini. Luckily my dear sistas didn't do me in like that on my birthday and for that i wanna say i love them :D

cheers to her and to you and to all of us.

2008-12-24T20:46:00.002+07:00

and oh yes, i'm back on the singapore soil once again. reaching changi airport once again and going through the same routes in the car once again too.

i'm so tired and i brought back many friends such as Mr Flu and Ms Sore throat. It's bugging me to bits and I wanna get rid of them. And they made me sound like an old granny speaking. Don't call my hoarse voice sexy cos' I obviously prefer my ORIGINAL voice of course.

i heard my tummy growling. dinner is ready. trilalala nights!

2008-12-16T21:44:00.002+07:00

i learnt a life long lesson today. Bad experience. Extremely bad experience.
it is my fault. i cant even handle such a simple little task. and i hate it when i'm loaded with 'responsibilities'

a whole lot of bullcrap. i'm pissed.

whatever. getting out of this shit place seems worth it afterall.

revelations

2008-12-15T11:35:00.002+07:00

i told them 'don't cry' cos' if they do, they would be mai suey mak mak.
i think for a moment, a part of my heart was crying with them too.

i would remember their tear-wretched faces. i would.

these memories tugged my heart a little, forcing me to accept the fact that if we would to say hello one day, goodbyes would just come, naturally.

a part of my memory, a part of my heart.
left unravelled in a chest.
kept hidden in a corner of a tower.
kept hidden in the bottom of my heart.

2008-12-14T23:57:00.003+07:00

i ask myself what does all this mean to me.

somehow, i realised that it doesn't mean to you as much as it does to me.

i'm tired of this endless game of cat and mouse

and therefore, i shall end this silly game

this silly game of pretence.

2008-12-14T15:03:00.004+07:00

we were playing asshole daidi/bridged throughout the night on the 11th. luck was splitted between the different beds.
BED A: me, jinhui, weizhe
BED B: huishan, fukang, wen hao.
and liza sat in between both beds. hilarious thing.
Bed A was forever stuck in the asshole cycle when the BIG/MEDIUM/SMALL asshole rank floated among us 3 while the 'royalties' would be to BED B.

thus, i floated from big asshole to king and back to big asshole sooner than i'd expected. luck is just not shining on yours truly. and my brain started to protest at around 2am plus already.

ok la. i found it funny how i would be like yay-ing when i'm the king and cursing when i fall back to become the big asshole. whateverrrr. so we went to walk at around late 2 plus and all the way, they just had to keep saying about whatever whatever scary thing that had happened in the CO room before. so shitty that i wanna run off and just use the swing.

and yes, i just love playing bridge. YAY. ain't it such an intellectual game? HAHS.

ok ok. i'm feeling cranky. i don't wanna pack. i want to sleep. i wanna watch my twilight.

toodles then.

2008-12-11T10:45:00.004+07:00

i'm feeling so tired. maybe i'll hit the sack in a while more again. yes, again.

i've got a big bump on my head which really hurt cos' i, very intelligently, knocked my poor head into the silly meter. and it still hurts now. i bet i would suffer a concussion like really soon.

and i realise that sneak previews of Twilight are already showing. maybe i'll catch it on monday/tuesday. this is good cos' it means that i can watch Australia when i come back. and god knows where am i gonna get the money really.

class gathering later. hope it would be worth going tho cos' i'm really really broke. get it? i doubt you (the loaded kid) reading this silly thing that i'm writing would be able to sympatise with me. and yah, i've applied for my BTT. the rain was horrifyingly heavy yesterday. choi and i held 2 pathetic umbrellas and 3 taxis stopped for us. apparently, i think we looked totally like damsels in distress for 3 taxis to stop within a proximity of 50m to the mrt.

and trilalala. 27th 27th 27th! i'm looking forward to it.

toodles.

2008-12-08T22:37:00.005+07:00

i shall just eat grass and drink water for the next 9 days.
and i shall just jiayou jiayou in finding thy job.

screammmms

i think i'm getting toooo paranoid. i'm into the endless 省钱大计划 recently. It's really that bad. I needa get a life back really.

and yah, hopefully I would get some replies after calling/sending resumes like for countless of times already. This's so really tiring. Yes, please pray that OCIP dinner would be well, enjoyable later.

c'mon c'mon. we need to get high get high but not too high.

p.s i wanna read new moon since i've finished twilight. the story is not bad i must say but it's kinda draggy when most description goes on non-stop to say how suave Cullen is. and p.s i think i can go flunk my exam cos' i just cannot catch the silly rhythm.

12 beats in a bar. quaver. and i go 1-2-3 4 times and i still cannot catch the silly rhythm. maybe i should just change the darn song.

-bang wall-

OCIP 2008

2008-12-07T14:34:00.017+07:00

OCIP 2008: Our 6 days journey.

I've never taken Thai Airway before so it was really funny to note how i thought that the flight TG402 was Tiger Airways. But still, I like the colour of the seats cos' they are of such vibrant colours.

From Chiangmai Airport, it was about 4 hours ride up the mountain to Mae Hong Son. So it was the crazy singing experience all the way. I really really love sunset to bits.

It was about Thai time 5 plus 6 when this shot was taken. This place is some reserve

I really love this mystical feel. It's silly I know but somehow or rather, it occurs to me as a path that leads you to eternal happiness.

Yes, if only it is.

And yes, we continue up the mountain.

Trees, shrubs and more trees yet again.

Our first morning in Mae Hong Son. The misty feel in the morning. Mystical ain't it?

The route taken every morn to the dining area.

Yes yes yes. We have our meals here. And minthu looked really excited. Haha.

And you've just taken a peek at the girls' five star bunk, according to the guys. So if you think that this's real bad enough, i doubt you would wanna imagine how the guys' bunk would look like.

but i personally felt that our 12 girls' bunk was pretty cozy, besides that screwed up toilet. yes yes, better stop complaining cos' i'm sure the guys' toilets were a thousand times worse than ours.

kids of M2/3. Trying to pay utmost attention to what Edmund was saying then. (and so i hope)

Night market

Very pasar-malam-ish I know. Just that instead of it being Singapore's style (tents and what not), it's in Thai style (umbrellas or just open air)

This waffle is really really good. And 5 baht for one only! Approximately S$0.25.

And there's that condensed milk dough thingy. it's darn nice.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for the few days, it was just teaching and playing volleyball/monkey with the kids after school.

Photos below are taken during the 1 Day Science Camp. And that very night, we had our farewell dinner prepared by our very hospitable host.

Teaching Com :D It's way too dark though.

I really find this photo highly amusing. copying the 'choo-choo-train' look. Taken during the dance performances by the Thai, with the 'participation' of OCIP-ers.

bamboo rice! :D gawddddd. it's really nice especially when it's hot.

We had star-gazing that very last night. The whole nightsky is akin to pretty crystals scattered everywhere. Only difference is that it ain't tangible sad to say. It ended when everyone was already half freezing with some of us in slippers. My toes were half frozen already.

And the final day, the journey back to Singapore.

I think this picture is darn cute. Like a fairytale backdrop with a witch's pot underneath a tree. I never got to know what that pot was for actually. A bin perhaps?

That last bit of Chiangmai. The streets are really very empty. (before we were all dragged to hop onto Silkair for our flight back.)

our drinks :D they are not bad i would say. it's a very random photo but who cares.

cheerios!

2008-12-07T14:28:00.003+07:00

it's weird how that job has actually crossed my mind. it never did till yesterday when they brought it up so maybe, i would give it a shot by sending in some job enquiries. it would be a totally new working experience if i was employed, really different.

IF i was employed. i could somehow or rather tell that i'm going into the self-fantasizing mode, like totally.

OCIP photos would be up soon. Nah, doubt i would be taking a lot of those cam-whore photos that we so totally love taking. it's mostly the little things that we see and felt daily, left unappreciated till the last day.

it would be really memories-jolting i supposed when i post it up, maybe after this entry i guess.

side note: yikes! boey posted allllll the crap cam-whore photos on facebook. i can just go jump into a drain soon cos' it's ~~bloody~~ unglam. and yes, i wanna go swim. hahs.

2008-12-05T12:17:00.002+07:00

d&d ended on the 3rd/4th. it was a last minute decision to attend only on the 2nd dec at approximately 11pm. thanks for the dress and the ticket to yinghui and yings respectively.

only thing that was interesting to take note was jj's shocked at my presence. his stunned expression was utterly amusing. well other than that, nothing else great happened actually. it's the usual take-tons-of-photos kinda thing.

it was pretty much the usual. girls in dresses and guys in suit. what more stark changes can you expect.

but i really like chun hui's answers- prom queen need not necessarily wear a dress. haha. if only i had a really nice and formal top i would definitely not put myself in a dress.

stayed over at yinghui's house till morning then lugged myself home. i would have stayed till morn i guess, if not for my barang barang that's deposited at her home. playing indian poker and bridge till morn seems like a pretty good idea too but i'd rather finish reading my twilight.

edward cullen! :D i'm so gonna catch twilight. definitely. but the silly thing is that it's opening a day AFTER i leave. silly silly peezy thing. bad. and i'm adopting too much of daowei's words too (the word 'silly' i mean). this's real bad also.

and today's the thai king's birthday. would have been somewhere catching fish in the river or even enjoying the spectacular view of wild sunflowers blooming currently. in any case, happy birthday to the king :D we didnt get to celebrate with him though.

no job. no nothing. no one wants to employ a freak who's schedule is literally madness. well, i'll still press on and FIND something to keep me occupied for a few more days. yes, and in case low's reading this, i wanna take up japanese too. shall get some guidebooks first then enroll for lessons, ONCE i've gotten a job.

kob-khun-kah (thank you) for reading.

2008-12-04T14:33:00.002+07:00

yes yes. i'm revived. it takes me so long to finally type something here i supposed.

ocip trip was great. but it was a pity it had to end so early but still, if only we had pressed on for a couple of days more. the probability of completing the full 15 days journey would be so much higher.

now to think of it, does it really matter anymore since the bare truth is out-we're all back in singapore already. it's all about letting go and moving on but yes, memories would stay. i would made it stay and not let time erode it all away.

i would miss that retarded singing experience up the mountain.
miss the star gazing experience.
miss the high fun tian experience during the farewell dinner.
miss the bamboo rice (it's darn awesome seriously)
miss my kids from M2/3.
miss the hospitality by the thais.
miss the crappy-ness of the entire team.
miss playing volleyball/monkey with my kids (once again from the various classes)
miss eating ice cream in the morning when it's freezing cold.
miss shopping at the night market :D the wafer and the dough thingy are awesome

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
don't miss acting like zoo exhibits when some thai people would just stop you for a SOLO picture. (it scares the nerves out of me seriously)

epilogue
it ended. but cherish the memories that it gives us because they are our source of encouragement to embark new journeys in the future. 9th december would be the official closure of this journey and afterwhich, it would be kept in me for as long as i would remember.

ocip 2008: embrace
ocip favourite dance: ching-chong
ocip favourite phrase: hong nam you tee nai (where's the toilet)
ocip favourite question to students: kao jai mai (do you understand?)
ocip favourite game: indian poker :D

gahs. i can't remember anymore other stuff. shall update more when i do (:

2008-11-22T23:35:00.004+07:00

listening to david archuleta's crush currently. it's really a very nice song and so memories-jolting somehow. the melody is simply awesome.

off i will be from tuesday onwards. hopefully everything would just fall in place when it officially starts.

goodbye singapore.

i like to stare into empty space and waste my time away. i like day dreaming cos' they are hopes of the future. i like to watch sunset cos' it shows the beauty of colours blending together. i like to feel the sea breeze and the sea water cos' they would wash all my troubles away. i like to sit on a carousel, feel fairy-ish and hope that one day, happiness would unfold before me and take me away, forever.